Originally posted on July 27, 2024 on my (retired) Substack, inward expressions.
So I graduated college (woohoo!). As I wait for my job to start in a few weeks, I’ve been experiencing a foreign and somewhat uncomfortable lack of responsibilities – no school, no work or job hunting, just sheer time. Being in this state with this abundance of time has begged the questions: what does it mean to use my time meaningfully and how does that fit into my overall model of a fulfilling life?
I’d like to acknowledge that I don’t ascribe myself to any religion. In fact, I have a pretty limited understanding of spirituality and religion in general (although I’d like to learn more at some point). Therefore, my thoughts are probably a mixed bag of many different beliefs and teachings, though I do toy with the idea of interacting with the “universe” so perhaps I could be described as agnostic. Regardless, here is how I’ve been thinking about what it means to live significantly.
I matter, but I also don’t
I’ve often found myself circling back to the existential question of “do I matter”? And the way I’ve answered this for myself is yes, but also no. I matter because I exist. To the universe, existence is the only condition that makes something significant. But at the same time, because of that, I don’t matter any more than any other person or any other living creature or even any other thing. And as I live and when I die, I still will never matter any more than any other thing that has ever existed. I both matter wholly and completely, but also not at all.
Now this can be disheartening to think about. If I don’t matter, then nothing I ever do really matters or will mean anything to the unfathomable infiniteness of the universe. But if this is true, then I actually find this thought rather freeing. Because if nothing really matters at the end of the day, then I get the privilege of deciding what does. I’ve already fulfilled the universe’s purpose for me by existing, so now there are no other conditions to matter other than the ones I create for myself.
Defining significance
It’s important to note that the definition of living a significant life should feel very personal. I lived far too long taking the easy way out by listening to common advice and cliches. While common advice is common for a reason, it is also usually extremely generalized and surface level. I found that when I never took the time to truly understand myself and what I wanted, I flitted between the infinite possible values held by others and never found the conviction to fight for any of them. Because of that, I was living my life through an ethic of fear and loss aversion rather than the grounding sense of direction and strength that has come from deriving these values for myself.
The process of defining significance is not a finite journey – there is no end state. One day I may write another blog post about my experience in this process so far, but for now I wanted to share my current working theory of significance that has, for the first time, felt right for me.
Significance as a process of engagement
I don’t know if I believe in consciousness after death. There is something extremely finite about my perception of life that is informed by my uncertainty of what happens after it ends. What I do know is that the consciousness I have right now in each passing moment is about the most certain thing I have and, at worst, the only thing I have.1 This is why my definition of significance is largely process and being-oriented rather than goal-oriented. I want to feel that I am living as my fullest self at every moment rather than waiting for the future to bring it.
So since significance is process-oriented, the mechanism by which I’ve defined being significant is engagement. For me, engagement can be thought of as building a relationship of consumption and production. One where I am consuming and understanding while also producing and contributing. It feels to me that mattering more means grounding myself in these deep and meaningful relationships. In the context of significance, I’ve outlined 3 spheres of engagement: the universe, those around me, and myself.
3 spheres of engagement
The first sphere of engagement, the universe, admittedly feels large – infinite even. What I mean by engaging with the universe, though, is establishing a relationship where I intellectually consume what already exists, meaning knowledge or experiences, and produce things that don’t yet exist, meaning my unique thoughts or tangible products. There’s an argument that nothing is ever truly new, but because I created it at the time I did as opposed to anyone else at any other time means that to the universe, it is unique. Now since I argue that existence is the core condition of mattering, that means that whatever I bring into existence matters and is a significant contribution to the universe. Through this process of cognition and creation, I ground my relationship with the universe and my personal sense of significance.
Meaningful engagement with others is another area in which I find significance. The special thing about other humans is that we’re all united by the shared experience of owning a consciousnesses. The way I experience joy, sadness, and love are all similar to the ways other humans might experience them as well, and I can play an active role in shaping those experiences. The relationship I create with others is one where the consumption and production processes represent the mutuality of understanding and influencing each other’s consciousness. There’s obviously many ways this relationship could play out, and this is where morality comes in, but that’s an entire other can of worms to open. I, and hopefully you as well, would choose to ground our significance through relationships built on love, kindness, and empathy.
In a similar, but far more intimate manner as engaging with others, is engagement with myself. All of these beliefs I’ve developed have been a result of me developing a relationship of understanding and intentionality with myself. Through this, I can begin to build my sense of identity and choose actions that feel authentic to me. At any given moment, I choose to act in ways that minimize the friction between who I am and who I want to be. Importantly, understanding what I want is the core of everything that legitimizes my definition of significance and gives me direction.
Living significantly
At the end of the day, defining significance is not enough on its own. But like I mentioned earlier, creating these personal guidelines of what it means to live well are all to grant me the power of intentionality and conviction with my actions and beliefs. In my case, the 3 spheres of engagement help inform and solidify my personal values around constant learning, creativity, kindness, and introspection, which translate into my decisions to invest time into my career, creative endeavors, relationships, and personal wellbeing. Of course, these priorities might change, but that’s not something I’m afraid of – that’s the beauty of experiencing growth and the passing of time. In the meantime, while we have no choice but to live and breath and experience, I choose to live significantly in all the ways I know how.
Footnotes
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These thoughts about the importance of presence are actually inspired a lot from the book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. I’d highly recommend it if you’re interested in learning more about his philosophy of time given the finiteness of life. ↩